Twice Shy Page 12

He chuckled. "Fair enough."

  * * *

  They pulled into school, chatting about the time Leah slid across the turf on her face and spent the rest of the game with a green forehead. It was a good memory infected and sickened by years of rejection and mockery. She laughed anyway.

  They got out of the car, and she traversed the slippery sidewalk with Keegan's help, her hand on his arm for stability. Using him as a crutch, she found she could just manage to not drag her foot. They arrived at the gym doors, and Ani had to suppress an eye roll—pink streamers, pink tablecloths on tables for two, pink napkins, white banners with red intertwined hearts surrounded by pink flame, and to top it all off she was the only girl not wearing a pink dress. I'm all for cutesy pink, but this is disgusting.

  As they walked in, people stared. Ani was used to all kinds of looks—disgust, dislike, hate—so she was surprised to see envy. Boys looked at her with unabashed interest, and girls glared. Keegan strutted to their assigned table, pulled out her chair, and pushed it in once she'd sat. He sat across from her, his grin smug.

  "Okay, this is freaking weird," Ani said.

  "I told you. You look wonderful tonight."

  She smiled, flattered in spite of herself. "If you start singing Clapton—"

  "I know, I know. No looking, no touching, no singing on pain of death. All fun will be pretend. I won't even enjoy the food." He does have a charming little smirk. If he weren't such an egomaniacal ass, some girl could make something of him.

  Mike and Devon were seated behind her, so that she couldn't see them while seated at the table. Just as well. "Is she buying it?" she asked.

  Keegan nodded. "Looks like it. She's only got eyes for Mike, but keeps glancing this way whenever he's not looking."

  "Good." Maybe this won't be a complete waste of an evening.

  The appetizer was bacon-wrapped asparagus, which she skipped. Everyone "knew" she was a vegan, which gave her an excuse to avoid most food most of the time. The enzyme dealt better with vegetables than meat, and they flushed out much easier. Keegan ate both servings in under a minute.

  For an entree Ani had a grilled Portobello "steak" with some kind of coconut sauce over rice. Like all food, it didn't taste like much of anything, and she picked at it, chewing mechanically. Keegan had steak, and as he cut into it, red juices leaked out onto his plate. He drew his knife through the seared flesh and revealed the rare pink inside, glistening with moist succulence that—

  "I thought you were a vegetarian." Keegan said.

  Her eyes snapped away from the steak. "I am." She forced herself to look in his eyes, and not at his plate.

  He popped the hunk of meat into his mouth and chewed, speaking around the food. "You could have fooled me. That looked like love."

  His fork moved back down to the plate, and he cut another piece. Her eyes followed the red liquid as it pooled around his mashed potatoes. She forced them to look at her mushroom, limp, brown, and lifeless.

  She set her napkin on the table and stood. He half-stood as she did so, then sat back down.

  She held up a finger. "Excuse me. I need to use the restroom." She tried not to hurry as the hunger clawed at her gut, her eyes dancing from plates on the tables to the heads of the people sitting at them. Her mother had given her a dose of serum before she left for the Keys, so the feeling shouldn't have been that intense. The hallway was torturous, each step a struggle not to run. She walked into the bathroom, her thoughts on red, bloody meat and brains.

  She locked the door and sat on the toilet. She rummaged through her purse for the razor. Dammit, where are you? It wasn't there. No. This can't be happening. She scrambled for something, anything sharp. Mascara case, tampon, powder brush—bloodbrainsbrainsbrains—SAFETY PIN! She dropped the purse and reached up to her cheek, undid a pin with shaking fingers, and stabbed herself in the wrist.

  She gasped in release and her eyes rolled back. She stabbed again, and again, dragging the pin through her skin in ragged tears. Six, seven, ten times. She shuddered, relieved. She breathed out, a long, slow sigh.

  "Jesus, you are a freak."

  Her eyes snapped into focus. Devon stared down at her from over the stall wall, her lip curled in a disgusted sneer. She must be standing on the toilet.

  "Devon! I... Please, don't tell Mike."

  Devon's expression twisted into rage. "You mean Keegan?" She reached down and grabbed Ani's hair. "I'll kill you, you—" The wig pulled off and Devon fell backward into her own stall, her mouth open in surprise.

  "Holy shit, Cutter. Not even your hair is real."

  "Devon." Ani undid the latch on her door. "You give that back."

  Devon bolted for the bathroom door, Ani right behind her. She lost her footing on the tile and crashed to the ground, pain exploding through her injured hip. Devon cried out in triumph as she made it to the hallway. Ani heard her footsteps retreat toward the gym as she pulled herself up with the vanity.

  A dead face stared back at her. Lifeless, stringy wisps of hair on a bald, spotted dome. Wincing, she pulled her compact from her purse and held it behind her head. The scar from when Dylan had caved in her skull was an enormous pink X mottled with fleshy white. I can't go out there like this.

  She leaned against the wall and sank down to the floor, staring straight forward, the back of her head against the wall. Two minutes passed. Then five.

  Leah and Rose walked in.

  "Aren't you coming out, freak?" Leah said. "Your date's looking for you."

  Eyes forward, she replied. "I need my wig. Or a hat. Please."

  Rose knelt down in front of her and ran her hand over Ani's head. "Wow, you really are a freak. What is it, herpes?"

  Ani stared straight ahead. Go away. Leave me alone. "Please go get my wig."

  Leah nudged her with her foot, while Rose took out her phone. "C'mon, freak," Leah said. "Smile for the camera."

  Ani looked up at Rose. "If you take my picture like this, I'm going to—"

  "What, cut yourself?" Devon asked as she walked in. She looked down at Ani with a cruel smile, but she spoke to her friends. "What did I tell you, a total freak show." Self-preservation first, revenge later. She used the wall to stand as Rose took pictures. "Smile, bitch," Devon said.

  Ani snatched the camera out of Rose's hand and threw it with all of her supernatural strength. It shattered against the wall. Rose gasped in outrage, then slapped her. Ani's cheek stung, and she raised her hand to touch the raw flesh. Rose slapped her again, tearing a safety pin from her other cheek.

  Then they were on her. Fists and elbows punished her, clawed hands tore at her dress. She covered her face with her arms and dropped to her knees, so they kicked her. I can stop this. I can hurt them so badly that they can never hurt anyone ever again. I'm stronger than any of them.

  Another voice, her mother's voice, spoke to her through the abuse. But if you do, they will know something is wrong with you, something different and special. You can't let that happen. She was right, even when she wasn't here. Ani grunted as a foot cracked her rib, and thanked God they weren't wearing boots. It didn't hurt that much anyway, not as much as it should have.

  She looked through her fingers as a male voice broke through the pummeling blows. "Hey! HEY!"

  Devon yelped in astonishment as she flew sideways, rebounding off the stall and falling to her butt. Mike grabbed Leah and Rose by the hair, yanked them backward and dropped them on their backs.

  "You..." Devon said to him, her voice more angry than hurt. "You hit me." She reached up and touched her bloody lip. "You fucking hit me!"

  Mike shook his head. "No, I pushed you. But if you don't stay the hell on the floor, I will hit you." He looked at Leah and Rose, who glowered up at him. "You, too." Leah pouted, the sullen sulk of a girl whose Dad took away her toys. He helped Ani to her feet.

  Devon crossed her arms. "We are through, Mike."

  "No shit," he replied, still holding Ani's fingers.

  Ani reached down and picked Rose's micr
o-SD card off the floor. She put it in her purse as Mike interrogated Devon. "What did you do with her wig?"

  "FUCK you."

  He took off his jacket, draped it over Ani's head, and took a step with her out the door. She winced in pain, almost falling, and he swooped her into his arms and carried her. People gaped as they passed the gym, but he backed out the door and went straight to Keegan's car.

  Ani refused to go to the hospital, so they rode in silence as Keegan drove them home in the falling snow. Mike helped her up the walk, but she held him at the door. She pulled his coat from her head and thanked him, tried to ignore the horrified look in his eyes as he tried not to look at her gruesome skull, and went inside alone. She locked the door, fastened the dead bolts, and sat down on the couch. The house felt empty.

  There's no one home. No one alive, anyway.

  * * *

  She got out of the bath the next morning with a different perspective. After spending a few hours in self-pity, she'd looked at the facts.

  Fact One: Devon, Leah, and Rose are psychotic bitches. I already knew that.

  Fact Two: Mike had come to her defense. He cares about me.

  Fact Three: Devon and Mike had broken up. After he knocked her over and bloodied her lip, something she'd never forgive.

  Fact Four: Mike had carried her, like a knight in shining armor. Like a romance-novel fantasy. If it weren't for what came before it would have been the most romantic moment of her life. Maybe it was anyway.

  Fact Five: That's pretty pathetic.

  She allowed herself a smile. It's pathetic, but it's my pathetic. She put on a spare wig and spent the morning painting, one canvas after the next, and every one of them Mike Brown. If she couldn't quite capture his green eyes, her muse would forgive her.

  Late morning, Mike stopped by. She looked at the doorknob, then at the paintings, and back at the door. Ah, crap. I can't let him see those. She wiped paint on her sweater, put one foot in front of the door so that it could only open a few inches, unlocked everything, and cracked it open.

  Mike looked relieved. "Hey, Ani. How are you feeling?"

  She squinted into the sunlight. "I'm okay." Her ribs were sore, but no more than that.

  His eyes moved up and down her body, but not in the usual way men’s eyes did. He grunted. "You look a lot better than I expected." That happens when you don't bruise, have extra-hard flesh because you bathe in a vat of chemicals, and have a mom with access to the best regenerative drugs money can buy.

  "Thanks. And thanks again, Mike." She forced the next words out. "Sorry about you and Devon."

  He snorted. "I'm not. I can't believe I stayed with her this long...." He raised his eyebrows. "Can I come in?" Why did I have to paint those stupid paintings?

  She sighed. "I don't think so. Not right now. My mom would kill me if I had a boy over when she wasn't home."

  "I'm not 'a boy.' I'm Mike Brown from down the street." He winked at her. "Besides, she doesn't have to know."

  "Yeah, she does. You know this block. The neighbors talk about everything."

  He grimaced. You know I'm right. "Yeah. Okay," he said. He looked at her again, this time with more interest than concern. "See you at school."

  "Sure, Mike. See you at school." She closed the door and tried not to squeal.

  Her mom called at noon to ask about the banquet. She lied and said it went fine. She told the truth and said that Keegan never even tried to touch her. She told her that the entire plan "sort of backfired," and her mom didn't ask for details. Perfect.

  The doorbell rang at lunchtime. She tried the same foot in the door trick, but Fey took immediate offense. "What, so I'm not allowed in your house now? We're not friends?" Ani moved her foot and opened the door.

  "Sorry. Come on in."

  Fey stormed into the living room and stopped in her tracks, staring at the paintings. "Wow." She looked at Ani, mouth still open. "Those are good. Real good. You could totally go pro."

  "Thanks," Ani said. "All it takes is practice."

  Fey shook her head. "I couldn't do that in a million years." She looked from canvas to canvas, then whirled around. She stepped forward and grabbed Ani's hands, her eyes wide. "So what the hell happened last night? Everyone's saying Mike beat up Devon and they split."

  Ani told her what happened, even about her scar. They saw it, so it's only a matter of time before everyone knows about it. She explained how she got it in a bicycle accident when she was a kid.

  "Then how come nobody knows about it? I mean, you told me about your hair, what with your condition and all, but that scar... Can I see it?"

  "I'd rather not," Ani said.

  "C'mon, just a peek." Or I will harass you forever, or play the "we're not really friends" card....

  "Fine," Ani said. She took off her wig and turned around.

  Fey didn't say anything for a moment, then, "That is so cool. Can I touch it?" Ani let out an exasperated sigh. I don't think I could explain why my head is at room temperature. She thought of Rose, running her hand over her head in the bathroom, and frowned.

  "Why not? While you're at it want to give me a breast exam?"

  "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

  Ani put on her wig and turned around. Fey's eyes blazed and her cheeks were flushed. "It didn't mean anything. Just that it's kind of personal, you know?"

  Fey's face flooded with relief. "Oh. Yeah, okay. I understand. I won't talk about it either." She hurried to the door. "Look, I got to jet. See you Monday."

  "Sure, Fey. See you Monday." She left in a hurry, slamming the door behind her.

  Ani locked the door, trying to figure out what had just happened. She gave up by the time the deadbolts were set.

  * * *

  Ani called Keegan's phone and sighed in relief when voicemail picked up. "Keeg's phone, talk at the beep." The phone beeped.

  "Hey, Keegan, it's Ani. Um, I'm canceling for tomorrow night. No point now, I think. See you. And thanks for driving me home." She hung up.

  She bundled up against the cold—more to keep up appearances than anything else—and walked to the store. Her limp was more pronounced, and her foot really dragged now. She'd hoped it would get better in the bath, but so far it hadn't. I'll have to make something up and have Mom look at it. It's not like she wouldn't notice anyway.

  As she walked by Mike's house, he was shoveling the walk with his mom. He waved but didn't come over to talk. She waved back, tried not to smile too big, and shambled her way to the store.

  She bought a heart-shaped box of Russell Stover's chocolates from the grocery store, then crossed the street to CVS to buy a card. The pharmacy had a much better selection. It took her ten minutes to pick the right card—simple, straightforward, and not too sappy. She hid the items under her coat, returned home, and spent the evening at the piano.

  Chapter 19

  Ani skated through Valentine's Day on a cloud. Mike rode the bus to school, and it wasn't weird at all—just natural conversation—and Fey didn't even seem to mind. When Jake asked Fey to the dance before homeroom, she said "yes" without complaining about it later. Devon and Mike weren't speaking to one another, and Mike stopped to talk to Ani twice in the morning. He sat with her at lunch, and Fey was so wrapped up with Jake she didn't mind that either.

  After geometry Mike gave Ani a card and a hug. He didn't ride the bus home—he had basketball practice until four thirty—so she chatted with Fey until her stop, then daydreamed out the window. She got off the bus, let herself in, and tore open the envelope.

  The card was a painting of a lion standing guard over a baby lamb. Not very Valentine-y. She opened it and found it blank, but with a handwritten note inside.

  * * *

  Dear Ani,

  I never told you how much you mean to me. Saturday sucked, the worst moment of my life, but also the best. I wish I got there sooner. I wish they'd never hurt you, but in a way I'm glad they did because it gave me the opportunity to hold you.

  Yo
ur dear friend forever,

  Mike

  * * *

  Ani ran-shuffled to her room, opened her keepsake chest, and traded Mike's card for the candy and card she had bought the day before. She signed the card, "Love, Ani" and put it in the box. Her heart couldn't bear watching him read the card, so she could give him the chocolates, ask him to the dance, and escape—he'd find the card later.

  She tried to read, but found herself staring at the clock. The numbers crept forward with agonizing slowness, each tick a reminder of her mother's disapproval. I don't care. At five-fifteen, she couldn't take it anymore.

  She stepped outside into the glorious cold, closed the door, and limped down the sidewalk, her way lit by orange halogen streetlights glistening off the snow. The salt from the night before had worn off, and the sidewalk was slick. She lost her balance, arms pinwheeling, but regained her footing with a sigh of relief. She laughed at herself, exhilarated.

  A few houses down, she crossed the road, the candy still hidden under her coat. She ran her hand over the top of the mailbox marked "Brown" and felt an almost electric thrill from the freezing metal. His sidewalk was covered with a dusting of drifted snow, the pure white marred by footprints large and small.

  She knocked on the door, rocking on her heels. She heard shuffling, the banging of furniture, and then the door flew open.

  Mike's eyes were wide as she pushed the chocolates into his hands. "Hey, Ani! I wasn't expecting you."

  "Happy Valentine's Day!" She smiled, and her eyes drew down his flushed face to land on his perfect lips. Now or never. "I was wondering..." He had a red smudge on his upper lip. It looked like strawberry jam, or blood, or... lipstick.

  She took a step back, gasping, out of breath. I can't be out of breath. I'm always... I'm... She felt faint.

  She caught movement behind him. Devon stepped into view, fastening her bra under her shirt. She gave a princess wave, her lips twisted into a cruel parody of a smile. "Hey, Ani. Nice to see you."